that night

some days
I think about that night
in Germany
a day's drive from home
in a restaurant
was it Chinese?
or Indian?

I can't remember much
not that it mattes
what matters is this

going to the bathroom
my texts left on read
but having five missed calls

my heart sinking

calmly paying the bill
as if mum hadn't passed away
calmly walking outside
as if there could be any other explanation

then calling dad back
knowing what he will say
hoping for another ending anyway

I can't remember much
falling to the ground
enough tears to fill an ocean

the restaurant owner
words I don't remember

if only it could've ended there
if only it was temporary
contained to a single tearful night

if only I could've woken up
if only you could've woken up